What's Under My Hat: Debate at ‘The Big Screen’

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Published on Friday, 02 March 2012 14:57

By Monte Tucker

Howdy friends and neighbors.  I have a burning topic for debate.  There is a gentleman that frequents the board room at the local coffee shop in Sweetwater, OK (aka-“The Big Screen,” due to the fact that there’s a long, raised counter with stools that face several large bay windows that allow us convenience store caffeine connoisseur patrons to see all the current activity in and around the entire metro-plex of Sweetwater, newly upgraded to HD with surround sound.)

Anyway, to keep his true identity protected from un-solicited posts to his twitter account, I will refer to him simply as a “Benny Wayne.”

Okay, back to the meat of the issue at hand as well as to stir the ol’ pot of debate that could make it all the way to the Supreme Court for a ruling and final decision.

Have you ever been driving around rural America and looked across a hay field that has been recently baled by a large round baler?  And if so, have you noticed that probably 99.99% of those bales are still oriented just like they were when the baling process was complete and they were dumped or kicked out of the round baling machine?   

Here’s the meat; and the question debated between “Benny Wayne” and the other caffeine connoisseurs - are those bales standing up or on their side??????

Now, my first gut reaction was to say that those bales are clearly on their side.  But that’s when the thinking started.  Now, like I said 99.99% of all round bales are kicked out of the baling chamber and dumped on their string or net side.  So, does this mean they are standing up?  

After more thought and a round of fried apple pies out of the warmer, the heated debate continued.  So, if a bale is sitting on its string or net and you were to consider it standing up, how could you tell which end of the cylinder is the head or butt?  Kinda like where is the corner in a round room?

So, under this philosophical idea the bale would be standing up, but then the debate would turn to the question, is it right side up or upside down???  And furthermore, if the bale is considered standing up while on its string or net, and no one can determine if its heads up or down, then it brings forth the question that it could be on its side while standing up!  Whew! Now I’m confused again.

But to discuss the other way, is it standing up or on its side when one of the open, flat, rough sides of the bale is on the ground?  So now if one would consider it like a roll of paper towels or a spool of cable, it would be standing up!  But while said bale is actually in the baler, the rough, flat, open side of the bale is facing the side of the baler!  So does this make it the side of the bale?  And to throw another bone into the dog fight, when one stacks them flat end to flat end like a caterpillar, are they side-by-side or are they stacked end-to-end???

Again, my initial thoughts were that the bale is on its side when it exits the baler, but then I get to thinking again that the flat open ends are the side of the bales because you can’t find the side of a circle!  So I guess I’m firmly on the fence on this issue.  

Boy!  Wouldn’t it be great to see a moderator at a presidential debate ask this very question to the candidates?  I would bet a round bale of alfalfa in the middle of a drought that the Democrat would take one side and the Republican would clearly take the other.  The Senate would bring forth a bill to designate the string/net side would be considered the side, and the House would pass out a bill that’s just opposite!

I’m Monte Tucker and that is what’s under my hat!  Oh, by the way, Benny Wayne and I could be leading expert analysts on the subject on CNN and Fox news as we each form our lobby and PAC groups!